When Something as Simple as Visiting Family Becomes So Complicated

I have been thinking a lot about something that happened recently, and the more I think about it, the more I feel like it needs to be said. There are so many things that families of incarcerated people already have to navigate that are difficult enough without the systems surrounding incarceration making the simplest things more complicated than they need to be. One of those things is visitation.

I was recently at a New York State facility for the Family Reunion Program, and the experience left me questioning why a process that is supposed to bring families together has become so unnecessarily difficult. The FRP directives instruct families to arrive between 8:00 and 9:00 in the morning. I arrived at 9:00 a.m., as instructed, and I did not get inside until approximately 2:00 in the afternoon. Five hours had passed before I was actually able to get through the process and begin my visit.

What makes that even more difficult for me to understand is that I have experienced the FRP process before COVID. I remember arriving at the facility, having our food and personal luggage inspected, and waiting for the families ahead of us to be processed. Even when there were six families being processed, including the inspection of food and personal belongings, the latest I can remember being inside the FRP trailer was around 11:00 a.m.

Today, the process includes additional security measures. Visitors now go through body scanners, while food and luggage are passed through an X-ray machine in addition to being manually inspected. I understand why security measures have evolved. Correctional facilities have a responsibility to maintain safety and security, and I am not suggesting that those procedures should be eliminated.

What I don’t understand is how the process can take significantly longer today when technology has actually been added to the screening process.

That is the part that I keep coming back to.

If we are using body scanners, X-ray machines, and manual inspections, and families are following the procedures they have been instructed to follow, why is it taking five hours to process families into the program?

There has to be a better way.

And then there is another part of the FRP process that I think deserves attention. The entire purpose of the program is to give families and incarcerated individuals meaningful extended time together. Historically, FRP has been described as providing 48-hour overnight family visits, and the program exists specifically to preserve and strengthen family relationships disrupted by incarceration.

That makes the amount of time spent simply trying to get inside even more significant.

When a family is required to arrive between 8:00 and 9:00 in the morning and then spends hours waiting to be processed, that time is coming out of the family experience. The purpose of FRP is not for families to spend their morning sitting around waiting for processing. The purpose is to give families the opportunity to actually be together.

I don’t say that as someone who believes security should be sacrificed for convenience. I understand that correctional facilities operate differently from ordinary places, and I understand that staff have responsibilities that cannot simply be ignored. My concern is whether the system has become so accustomed to delays that we have stopped asking whether those delays are actually necessary.

I have heard staffing shortages referenced when families question delays, and I understand that staffing is a very real issue inside correctional facilities. I also understand that the employees working in these facilities are dealing with their own pressures and responsibilities. My frustration isn’t directed at an individual employee who is trying to do their job. My frustration is with a system that seems to accept the loss of family time as though it is simply an unavoidable consequence of incarceration.

At some point, we have to ask whether it really is unavoidable.

When a family arrives between 8:00 and 9:00 in the morning because that is what the FRP process requires, they have already made a commitment to being there. They have traveled, prepared their food and belongings according to the rules, taken time away from work and family responsibilities, and made whatever arrangements were necessary to participate.

When those families then spend five hours waiting to get inside, that is not just an inconvenience. That is five hours of someone’s life.

And those hours cannot be returned.

The same issue exists with regular visitation. Families travel long distances to correctional facilities throughout New York State. Some take time off from work. Some arrange childcare. Some spend hundreds of dollars on transportation and lodging. They make those sacrifices because they believe the relationship is worth maintaining.

Then they arrive and wait.

Sometimes they wait to be processed. Sometimes they wait because of staffing. Sometimes they wait because of count. Whatever the reason, the family is losing time with the person they traveled to see.

I understand that counts are necessary. I am not questioning the need for them. What I question is whether there is a more efficient way to conduct them without unnecessarily taking away from the limited amount of time families have together.

We live in a world where technology has changed the way almost everything is done. We can track packages from the moment they leave a warehouse until they arrive at our front door. We can verify identities electronically, conduct financial transactions from our phones, and monitor complicated systems in real time. It is reasonable to ask whether correctional facilities can also look at how their processes work and determine where technology, staffing, scheduling, or other operational changes could reduce unnecessary delays.

What makes this especially frustrating is the contrast between getting inside and leaving.

After families can spend hours waiting to get through processing, there is suddenly no confusion when it is time for the visit to end. The horn sounds, and everyone knows it is time to go.

That contrast is difficult to ignore.

If the system can move that efficiently when it is time to get families out, why can’t some of that same efficiency be applied when families are trying to get in?

I know there are rules for a reason. I know there are security concerns. I know that correctional facilities have to operate differently from ordinary places. But none of that means we should stop looking for ways to improve processes that directly affect families.

New York recognizes the importance of family relationships during incarceration. DOCCS states that visits from family and friends can have a positive influence during incarceration and after release, and specifically says it wants the visiting experience to be family-friendly and positive. DOCCS also describes the Family Reunion Program as a way to preserve and strengthen family ties disrupted by incarceration and facilitate reintegration into the family and community.

That is why I believe this conversation matters.

If family relationships are important enough to be part of the rehabilitation and reintegration conversation, then the experience families have while trying to maintain those relationships should matter too.

Families are already carrying enough. We carry the emotional weight of having someone we love incarcerated. We deal with the financial costs of traveling to facilities. We rearrange work schedules and childcare. We miss birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, and ordinary moments that other families get to experience together. We maintain marriages across prison walls and try to help our children understand circumstances that are difficult for adults to explain, let alone children.

And still, we show up.

We show up because we love them. We show up because relationships matter. We show up because we believe that the person we love is more than their conviction and more than the number attached to their name.

That is why I don’t believe asking for a better visitation process is asking for special treatment. I believe it is asking for common sense, efficiency, and respect for the limited time families have together.

Maybe the first step is simply being willing to listen to the families who experience these processes firsthand. Ask us where the delays happen. Ask us what has changed. Ask us what worked better before. Ask us what could be done differently today. Look at how long families are waiting and determine whether every minute of that wait is actually necessary.

I don’t have all the answers, and I don’t pretend to understand everything that happens inside a correctional facility. What I do understand is what it feels like to arrive at 9:00 in the morning because you have followed the FRP directive, knowing that you have done everything you were asked to do, and still be waiting five hours later to walk through the door.

I also know what it feels like to finally have that time together and then hear the horn telling you that the visit is over.

There has to be a better way.

I believe New York can maintain security while also treating families with dignity. I believe necessary counts can happen while still looking for ways to minimize their impact on visitation. I believe staffing challenges can be acknowledged without simply accepting that families must lose hours of their already limited time because of them.

Most importantly, I believe families deserve to be part of the conversation.

We are not just visitors walking through a correctional facility. We are spouses, parents, children, grandparents, siblings, and loved ones who continue to show up when it would be much easier not to. We are often the people who will still be there when the sentence ends, and the relationships we maintain during incarceration can matter long after the prison gates finally open.

I don’t believe asking for a better process is asking too much.

I believe it is time to start asking why something as simple as spending time with someone you love has to be made so complicated.

Because families serve time too.

Stronger Than the Sentence™

For Families Impacted by a Broken System

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